Like a Rolling Stone
by draconis mortis
Summary: Jess comes back to Stars Hollow, the hard way. Rated for language. Please R&R, my first fanfic.
1. Like a Rolling stone

Disclaimers: Don't own nothin. Wish I owned Jess though. Yummy!

This is my first fanfic. More chapters to come. Will definitely be Literati, and probably a bit fluffy.

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One foot in front of the other…over and over again. He'd been at it for hours, days, he'd forgotten how long, really. Highway stretched out in both directions, but he didn't have a home at either end. The bus had gotten him about three fourths of the way, but then his cash ran out, so he was walking, hitching rides, whatever he could do. He coughed hard down the sleeve of his leather jacket. It wasn't that hot, but he could feel himself burning on the inside, fever licking at the back of his eye sockets. The scenery was starting to look like New England, so maybe he didn't have so much further to go…maybe just a few more days. 

He stopped. The rumble of an engine could be heard in the distance. He faced the road and stuck out his thumb. He could just make out a minivan, far to the west. Another cough wracked his thin body, almost doubling him over. He straightened up and wiped his mouth on his dirty distiller's t-shirt. The van was closer now. Not much chance anyone in a minivan would stop for dirty leather clad teenager, but it was worth a shot.

The van passed him. His shoulders slumped in disappointment, and he picked up his duffel and started walking again. Suddenly, he noticed that the van had stopped and was backing up towards him. He couldn't believe his good luck. He'd been walking since Buffalo and he couldn't even remember how long that had been.

A middle aged man rolled down the window. 

"Where ya headed, kid?"

"New Haven, but I'll be happy with however far you can take me."

"It's cool, I'm headed that way myself. Hop in."

Jess picked up his filthy army duffel and put it in the back seat before climbing into the front with the driver.

"Thanks man, I really appreciate it. Playing Jack Kerouac lost its charm about two weeks ago."

The middle aged man laughed as he pulled back onto the highway. 

"My name's David. I'm from Hartford. What about you?"

"Jess. I'm from New York, but I lived in Stars Hollow for a couple of years, and then Venice beach."

"You comin' all the way from California?" David let out a low whistle. "That's a long way to be hoofin it."

"I took a greyhound most of the way, and when I couldn't afford it anymore— " Jess broke off suddenly as a fit of coughing overtook him. 

"Whoa, you ok there kid? You're not going to die or anything are you?"

Jess cleared his throat. "I'll be ok…just, been on the road too long, I guess." He was lying, he'd felt like shit ever since he got off the bus, but he wasn't about to let it stop him from getting to Rory. He settled back in the seat and closed his eyes. Fortunately, David took the cue and didn't press the issue.

* * * * *

"Hey kid, wake up. This is New Haven."

Jess nearly jumped out of his skin when David reached over to wake him up.

"Oh, uh, thanks man. I really appreciate the ride."

"No problem."

Jess grabbed his duffel and got out of the minivan. As though he'd read his mind, David had dropped him off right in front of Yale's main entrance. Jess hefted his bag and looked around. Now that he was here, he realized he had no idea how to find Rory. Might as well start walking, he thought, it's gotten me this far. Fortunately, there was a big party in front of the dorms, so it didn't take him too long to find them. He got some weird looks though. Guess I'm not really Yale material, he thought, as he wandered through the crowd. 

Finally, he spotted Paris, holding a beer can and yelling at a meek looking girl with curly hair.

"Hey, Paris." His voice sounded strangled—he couldn't believe how close he was to finding Rory.

"Who said that?" Paris turned sharply. "Jess! What are you doing here? You left."

"Well, I came back. Where's Rory?"

"She went home, to Star's Hollow."

Jess's heart sank. He was so fucking close, and then she'd been ripped out of his grasp. 

"Well, can I borrow some money for the bus? I have to see her."

Paris considered the idea for a minute and then said, "Why not—it'll surprise the hell out of her." She gave Jess twenty bucks.

* * * * *

Jess lay on the hard concrete bench at the bus stop. He ached to sleep, but he was worried he would miss the bus or get arrested by some uptight Yale policeman for loitering. It began to rain, hard. He sat up and pulled the collar of his jacket up around his neck. He leaned heavily against the pole of the bus stop sign, and wished that the rich Yalies could have sprung for some of those nice covered bus stops. A couple of buses came by, but they were headed in the wrong direction. 

Finally, after sitting in the rain for two hours, the bus to Hartford pulled up. It looked just like the bus Jess had taken out of town six months before. There was no one else on it, so he stretched out in the back to try and sleep. It was no use though; he couldn't stop coughing long enough to even dose off. He pulled _The Garden of Eden_, Hemingway's last, unfinished novel, out of his back pocket, and started reading. 

It was only a forty-minute bus ride to Star's Hollow, but it felt interminable. He couldn't believe he was finally at the end. Finally. But, he suddenly realized, it was three in the morning. He couldn't go banging on the Gilmore's door in the middle of the night—what he had done to Rory was bad enough, he didn't want to look like an asshole when he was trying to apologize. There was only one other option, and it wasn't pretty.

* * * * * 

Jess stood outside Luke's Diner, rain running down his face. He reached up and felt on the ledge above the door. Crap. No key. He raised his hand to knock—he was not looking forward to this. Might as well get it over with. 

He banged hard on the door. It took a few minutes, but a disgruntled Luke finally opened the door.

"What the hell—" Luke stopped short when he saw his nephew standing there. He just stood there, staring at Jess until Jess broke the silence.

"Look, I'm really sorry about everything I did to you, and to her. I don't want to cause any more trouble. I'll go away if you want, I just have to tell her, I have to tell her!"

Everything Jess had been thinking the whole way from California poured out of his mouth. Unfortunately, his impassioned tirade was cut short by another spasm of coughing. He doubled over as the coughs tore through his body, reaching out for the doorframe for support. 

Luke caught his arm and pulled him inside the diner. They sat down at one of the tables, and Luke finally got a good look at Jess. He had always been thin, but he looked as though he hadn't eaten in days, his face was pale, but his cheeks were flushed and his eyes were burning with fever. 

"Jess, how did you get here?"

"I took a greyhound part of the way and then I walked, hitched, whatever. I have to see her, Luke, I have to tell her I love her."

Angry as he was about what Jess had done to him, and especially to Rory, at that moment, Luke couldn't feel anything but sorry for his nephew. 

"C'mon upstairs. You look like you could use a shower and some food and some sleep. We can talk about this situation later."

Jess nodded and let Luke lead him upstairs. Now that he was finally here, it was all hitting him. All the pain of leaving Rory and knowing what he'd done to her, the weeks on the road, the fever—all he could think about was sleeping in a real bed. He tried to head straight for bed, but Luke forced him to shower and eat something first. As hungry as he was, he could barely get down any of the sandwich Luke made before he fell asleep at the table. Luke woke him up and half carried him to bed. Afterwards, Luke stood there for a long time, watching the rain out the window.


	2. Now you don't seem so proud

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!!! They've been helpful and encouraging. Big thanks to **sarahl, lunatic lauren, popie, muisje, smile1, luke rules** (yes, yes he does), and **TeXaS vBaLl 13.** Special thanks to **Lipton Lee** and **punkcatwitissues**, because you are 2 of my favorite fanfiction writers and I feel very honored that you reviewed my story! Yay!

Also, if anyone is interested in being my beta reader, email me at poetess108@aol.com. I would be happy to return the favor to anyone who needs a beta reader.

Disclaimers: Don't own nothin.

Chapter 2 : Now you don't seem so proud.

Luke stood behind the counter compulsively wiping the same spot with a damp rag. It was still early, and the diner was fairly empty except for Kirk, who was always there regardless of the hour. Luke's mind was racing—he still had no idea what to do about Jess or what to tell Lorelai and Rory if they came in. The best thing would be to tell them…but then again, maybe he should just let Jess approach Rory on his own? He sighed in frustration and checked the coffee. This was going to be a long day.

Just then, the bell on the door jingled, and Luke looked up to see Lorelai walk in. 

"Hey," he said. "Coffee?"

"Don't mind if I do." Lorelai sat at the counter. "And a donut too—with sprinkles."

"Where's Rory?" Luke put the mug of coffee and the donut in front of Lorelai and resumed his compulsive counter wiping.

"She's still asleep. I thought I would come in and bring breakfast back to her. I'm meeting Jason in a bit,  so I was already up and in need of coffee. Are you ok, Luke? You seem nervous."

"Nervous, no, no, not nervous."

"Come on Luke, tell me what's wrong before you scrub the finish off the counter."

Luke, realizing what he'd been doing, picked up the rag and laughed apologetically. "Ok, well…you have to promise not to tell Rory."

"Umm ok, what's the big secret?  Did they finally send Taylor to an institution? Are you getting hair plugs?"

"No, no. It's…umm…Jess. He's back."

Lorelai almost choked on her donut. "What? When? Details, man, I need details!"

"He got in last night at about three. Said something about how he was sorry and needed to tell Rory something? It didn't make a lot of sense to me, but the kid's sick as a dog and looks like he hasn't slept or eaten in a week. He hitchhiked most of the way here. I  haven't really talked to him yet, but he seems like he really wants to talk to Rory, so if you would just keep this quiet and let him approach her…I think that's what he wants."

"What about what Rory wants? What she wanted? Are you just going to let him waltz back into your life like nothing's changed, like these last six months never happened? You know how hard it was for her to get over him, and then you just let him come right back—like, like a freaking prodigal son!" Lorelai took a deep breath and steadied herself. 

"Luke how can you just let him back in our lives like this?"

 "I don't know, I probaly should just send him packing, but something's different about him. I don't know what happened to him in California, but he's definitely changed—he seemed, desperate, almost. Like he was actually sorry…and…I don't know. But he can't go anwhere for awhile, so I guess that's just the way it is. Anyway, here's Coffee and some donuts for Rory. I should probably get back to work."

Lorelai stood to leave. "Luke, I'm sorry about what I said, I just—"

"You just don't want to see Rory hurt again. I know."


	3. How does it feel to be out on your own?

A/N: Hugs and Snuggles to everyone who reviewed! Sorry it's taken me awhile to update again, but this week has been finals, job interviews, and being sick, so I haven't had much time to work on this. And, to answer **kisstherain**'s question, "Like a Rolling Stone" is a chapter in Vol. 2 of the Cowboy Bebop Manga, but long before that, it was a song by Bob Dylan, which is what I titled this fanfic and after. 

I mentioned earlier that this story is literati…but did I also mention that it's going to be java junkie? Because it is! Also, the second chapter is reposted, with a little more conflict. I just love drama!

Disclaimers: Don't own nothin.

Chapter 3: How does it feel? To be out on your own?

Luke sat at his desk, trying to work on his taxes and ignore the fact that Jess was asleep just a few feet behind him. Trying not to subconsciously will Jess awake so he could get to the bottom of this mess, and failing miserably at all three things simultaneously. He ran the same figures he'd been trying to balance for the last half-hour and once again got distracted and messed up the calculations. 

It was time for a new approach. He shuffled his papers loudly and cleared his throat. Jess didn't move. He moved his chair back from the desk, making a loud scraping noise across the wood floors. Not even a twitch, Man, this kid sleeps like death, he thought. Maybe he is dead. Luke walked over and stood above Jess, trying to decide if his hypothesis was right or not. He didn't really think it was, but hey, it was something to do. 

He hadn't been standing there for more than fifteen seconds when Jess's eyes popped open suddenly. "What the—? Why are you standing there like that? It's creepy."

"Sorry, I was just ah—um, nevermind what I was doing. The real question is what are you doing here?"

"Well, it appears I'm lying in my old bed."

"Dammit Jess, you know that's not what I meant. Why are you back here in Star's Hollow?"

"I don't know. I just… Jimmy he…Rory…you don't…I just needed to come back, ok?"

"No, not ok. You hurt Rory a lot when you left Jess, and I need to know why you're back and what you're planning on doing while your back. I can't let you hurt her again. She was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you just treated her like dirt."

Jess sat up slowly, rubbing his face between his hands. He looked at Luke. "I know, I know. Look, I'm not going to hurt her again, I swear. Jimmy and I didn't really get along…so, I tried to play the good son for awhile, but it didn't work out so good. He has his a family there, and I'm not part of it. I used to think he was my family, but you don't walk out on family…but I did. I walked out on Rory…and on…you. The only two people that ever gave a shit whether I lived or died. I couldn't stand the fact that I'd become Jimmy, so I spent a couple of months completely shitfaced, trying to forget my own name. But then one night…I don't know, I just…I realized that I wasn't Jimmy yet, because I still had a chance to come back…so I did."

Jess sat crosslegged on the bed, studying his dirty fingernails. It was completely silent in the apartment for several interminable minutes. Luke just stood there, looking at his nephew, trying to figure out if this was for real. He didn't think it could be an act, the old Jess couldn't have acted this sincere if you'd put a gun to his head. Then again, could he really trust the kid?  

Finally Jess broke the silence. "So…ummm…can I stay here?"

"Of course you can stay here, what kind of a question is that? You think I'm going to let one of my two living relatives out in the streets to die? Speaking of which, you still dying?"

"Yeah, pretty much, you never know though, I might dissappoint everyone and pull through." 

"How long have you been sick?"

"ummm…since I got off the bus…somewhere around Chicago. I don't really know how long ago it was." Jess swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up, steadying himself on the nightstand.

"Woah, where do you think you're going?"

"To see Rory. I didn't come this far to lay in bed."

"Jess, you're sick. Get back in bed, you can see Rory later. Besides, you're not going to get very far like that."

"I can walk just fine."                      

"No, I meant in your boxers. The rest of your clothes are in the washer. Wasn't much left of them, though."

"Oh, right." Jess sat down on the bed.

"So, the plan is, once your clothes are clean, we're going to drive to the hospital in Hartford and get you checked out. Then, in a couple of days, when you're feeling better, you can go see Rory."

"No, I have to see her now! This can't wait, Luke."

"Ok, fine, I'll send her up when she and Lorelai come in this afternoon. But as soon as you guys talk, it's straight to Hartford—and you better keep your apology brief."


	4. Beware Doll, you're bound to fall

A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up! I just started a new job at a comic book store, and it's a lot more stressful and tiring than I had expected. But, tonight I just decided to screw sleep and write instead. And the chapter is actually a decent length. Yay.

Also, wasn't "Luke Can See Her Face" a great episode! I haven't been able to think of anything but Jess since Tuesday (well that's not really true, but he did look damn hot, didn't he?!?!) I'm really excited about the prospect of Luke and Lorelai **Finally** getting together! Too bad things probably won't work out for Jess and Rory L 

So, without further ado, chapter 4, complete with poseable jess/rory action! With kung-fu grip! (not really)

Disclaimers: Don't own nothin.

Chapter 4: "Beware doll, you're bound to fall."

The bell on the door of Luke's diner jingled as the Lorelais walked in, laughing about Kirk and Miss Patty's most argument—caused by creative differences on the direction Kirk's "performance art" piece should take.

"Yeah, did you see the look on Kirk's face when Patty compared him to Jose?" Lorelai asked.

"I know. Everyone knows Jose was Patty's worst lover! I can't believe she said that to poor Kirk."

"Well, he did remind me a little of Jose in that spandex costume…"

"I shudder to think of it," Rory said as they sat down.

"Hey guys." Luke came up to the table with a pot of coffee. "What can I get you today?"

"Burgers, with bacon, and cheese." 

"And fries," Lorelai added, "Lots and lots of fries! I'm starving!"

"Yeah, me too. All that studying makes me hungry." Rory said.

"Okay," Luke said, "Two bacon cheeseburgers with fries coming right up. Oh, and ummm…Rory…"

"Yeah?"

"Uh…I have something for you…upstairs." Luke and Lorelai exchanged a knowing look.

"Oh, what is it?"

"Umm, it's a umm…it's a book. Yeah. I left it on the…um…dresser. You should go up and get it." After a brief but awkward silence, Luke returned to the kitchen.

"That was weird." 

"Yeah, I guess so. Maybe you should go see what it is."

"But since when does Luke get me books? Since when does Luke read? This is very weird. I think he's up to something."

"Maybe he is. But you'll never know if you don't go get it."

"Ok, I'm going. But let it be noted that I think something fishy is going on and that you and Luke are both in on it." Rory got up.

"Duly noted." 

Something about this didn't feel right to Rory. Luke had never been one for subterfuge, except when he was desperate. There was definitely something going on that Luke and Lorelai were both in on. She hoped it was a good surprise. At the top of the stairs, she paused before entering Luke's apartment. She scolded herself. It's just a book Rory, calm down, there's nothing to get worked up about. She turned the knob and opened the door. 

"Way to make it obvious that you were up to something!" Lorelai told Luke.

"I know, I just couldn't think of a good reason to make her go upstairs…I'm not very good at subterfuge."

"Yeah, no kidding. So Jess wanted to see her so soon?"

"Yep. I wanted him to wait, but he refused. He even tried to walk over to see her, but since all his clothes were in the wash, he didn't get far."

"Not a mental image I needed, Luke. Why is he so desperate to talk to her? You'd think he'd be a little more nervous after what he did to her last year."

"Yeah, well, she's not the only one who's had a tough year. I'm not trying to defend what he did to her, but we talked earlier, and he had a really bad time of it in California. I think he's changed…a lot. At least I hope so. God knows I've been wrong before, but I have a good feeling about this."

"Ok then, I guess that's the best I can hope for too. And can I have some more fries?"

Rory stood in the doorway and scanned Luke's apartment. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, just Luke's shabby but neat apartment, kitchen, sofa and tv, Luke's bed made up neatly, Jess, the dresser…JESS. One of these things is not like the others; one of these things just doesn't belong. Jess, lying there on his bed, asleep in jeans, boots and his bomber jacket, ala Fonzie. No, this was too weird, this couldn't be happening. What was Jess doing back? Suddenly, unbidden, a wave of feelings welled up inside Rory. Good feelings—feelings from the distillers concert and all those times on the bridge, and bad feelings, the feelings she'd been stuck with since he left. This could not be right. Jess was gone. She hadn't pined; at least she hadn't admitted it to herself. She had gone to Europe and Yale, she had moved on. But now here was Jess and her feet were suddenly glued to the floor. A tiny gasp escaped her lips.

At the tiny, delicate noise, Jess sat straight up in bed. "Rory."

She couldn't say anything. She was feeling so many things it was hard to decide what emotion to go with first. 

"Rory, please stay. I came back to…to…tell you. To tell you I'm sorry and I love you." Well, ok, cat's out of the bag. This talking thing really isn't so bad, He thought. I should try it more often. But not too often, I don't want to turn into Kirk.

She had decided on an emotion. Anger. She was definitely angry. "What right do you have to ask me to stay? That was my line. Or it would have been, if you had bothered to tell me you were leaving. But no, all you said was, 'I'll call you,' that didn't really cut it, you know. I mean, of all the things you could have said then, that wasn't in the top ten best choices, now was it."

"I know. I'm a dick, an asshole, a jerk, the biggest loser in the world and there's probably a lot more adjectives you could come up with, since your vocabulary is much more impressive than mine. I don't have any excuses…I just want to apologize." He coughed hard into the collar of his jacket.  "You were the only good thing that ever happened to me, and I treated you like dirt. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say." Jess's pale features remained stoic, as always, but his eyes pleaded with Rory to understand.

"I… Jess, you…you really hurt me. Why did you have to run? I was here for you, I was your girlfriend, you could have talked to me. That's the whole point of having a girlfriend, so you can talk to her. But you never told me about school, or Wal-Mart, or Jimmy. You just walked away. Why? Why wasn't I enough?" Crap. The anger was giving way to hurt and missing Jess, and if she wasn't careful, those were going to crack and let how much she loved him show.

Jess looked at her with those heartbreaking brown eyes. "It was just easier to run. I thought it would hurt less to run than to open up to you. And it was, at first, but I couldn't stand the fact that I hurt you and that I was just like Jimmy. You were always enough, I just fucked everything up." 

"I don't know what to say to you, Jess. I just, … I don't know what to do. You left, and now you're back…and I don't know what to do." Get a hold of yourself, Gilmore, she thought. She couldn't let him know how she felt about him. Not yet…she was still too angry. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when Jess suddenly doubled over, a deep cough wracking his body. She just stared at him, willing her feet to stay in place, willing back the wave of compassion that threatened to make her go put her arms around him. She would be strong…for now.

"Jess, are you ok?" She could at least ask. That wasn't the same as doing anything about it, right? Right.

"Sure. I'll be fine." His voice came out choked and hoarse.

"Well, I umm…" the panic was finally starting to set in. "I have to go…my mom is waiting…I'll umm…I'll see you around." Rory turned and fled down the stairs.

Jess collapsed back onto the bed with a sigh. It could have gone worse. But, he still didn't know how she felt. That was okay though. He had come back, he had told her, he wasn't Jimmy. 


	5. you got no secrets to conceal

**A/N**: Well, it seems that no matter how hard I try I can only get about one chapter up a week. Sorry to anyone who's dying to know what happens, but I'm updating as much as I can. Thanks for all the great reviews! They really make my day.

I thought last night's GG was one of the best episodes ever! It was so well written, and I'm so excited that it seems like something is finally happening between Luke and Lorelai! It really sucks that Rory and Jess aren't getting back together. But at least it doesn't seem that he's been written out of the series altogether. It's really weird that they have her all in love with Dean again when she's been over him for a whole season…but maybe I'm just biased. I do feel a little more justified in my portrayal of Jess as getting a bit more chatty when he's desparate, though.

Ok, here's chapter 5. bon apetit!

Disclaimers: d0n'7 pwn n07hin9. isn't that a 1337 disclaimer? (I am so lame.)

**Chapter 5: You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal**.

Rory stared icily at Lorelai over the top of her huge bacon cheeseburger.

"How could you just let me go up there? You didn't even give me the tiniest warning that Jess would be up there. How long have you known he was here? Have you and look been conspiring about this?"

"Honey, I swear no one was conspiring against you. Luke just told me this morning, and he asked me not to tell you because he didn't really know what was up yet, and he didn't want to upset you."

"Well, he screwed up. I'm upset. This is me, upset."

"Rory. Calm down. I'm sorry we didn't tell you, I just didn't know it would be such a big deal. I thought you were over him." Lorelai was genuinely surprised by Rory's reaction. Ever since graduation, Rory hadn't said a word about Jess, so Lorelai just assumed she had move on.

"Yeah, well, so did I." Rory stood up, shouldering her purse. "I'm going for a walk. I just need to sort things out for myself." She left brusquely, the door clanging shut behind her.

"So, I take it that didn't go well?" Luke asked Lorelai.

"I don't really know. I think she's just so shocked to see him again."

"Yeah, that makes sense. I was hoping it would turn out ok for them."

"It still could. Just give it time. You can't expect something that's been brewing for six months to resolve itself in one five minute conversation."

"I know. I just don't like conflict, unless it's with Taylor."

"Whatever, you know you're just a sucker for star-crossed lovers, you old softie." Lorelai stood to leave. "I'd better get going, Rory and I are supposed to go to some "event" with my parents tonight, and I need to alter a dress for her."

"Yeah, I gotta get going too." Luke put the coffee pot back behind the counter.

"Where are you off to? Got a hot date?" Lorelai joked.

"Ha, I wish. I'm taking Jess to the hospital in Hartford."

"Wow. Is he that sick?"

"I don't know, but the doctor's office here in town won't open until Monday, and he seems pretty sick. I can't really tell though—whatever bad things you can say about Jess, the kid's as tough as they come—he could be dying and would try to pretend it was just a cold."

"Yeah…I wonder where he gets that stubborn streak. It sure doesn't run in your family." Lorelai smile. "See you later, Lukie."

"Bye." Lorelai left the diner. Luke turned to Lane, who was standing behind the counter.

"Would you mind watching the diner this afternoon? I know you're supposed to get off at six, but I could pay you overtime."

"Sure, no problem. We don't have a gig tonight, and I need the extra money—I should get that window fixed before it gets rainy.

"Great, I should be back soon, but if something comes up, I'll call you." Luke trudged up the stairs to his apartment. He had a feeling this trip to the hospital was going to be less than enjoyable. First of all, he hated hospitals, and on top of that, Jess wasn't the most cooperative person in the world, and Luke had a feeling that he would be an even less cooperative sick person.


	6. Once upon a time, you dressed so fine

A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Sorry the last chapter was so short. It was supposed to be longer (combined with this chapter), but it got really late, so I decided that a short update was better than no update at all. Now we can finally get back to focusing on Jess, which is what's really important anyway. Hee hee. Mmmm…sexy Jess. I certainly wouldn't mind nursing him back to health. I tried to make the medical stuff as realistic as possible, but I fudged on some stuff because I didn't want to explain everything out.

Disclaimers: all characters are the property of Amy Sherman-Palladino, I don't own nothin.

Onward to the chapter!

Chapter Six: Once upon a time, you dressed so fine.

Luke and Jess sat in the crowded waiting room of Hartford Hospital across from a family with three small, noisy children, two of who were crying loudly and none of whom appeared to have anything wrong with them. Luke was absently flipping through a fishing magazine that had been sitting on the table in the waiting room, and Jess was slumped in his chair, headphones on, reading Norman Mailor's _The Naked and the Dead_. They had been waiting for nearly three hours, and Luke was starting to get really annoyed and mumble to himself.

Jess pulled off his headphones, "Relax, will you? You don't really get top priority in an emergency room when you walk in on your own and there's no blood."

"Yeah, well, you could try to look sicker, sell it more. Apparently the coughing isn't doing it. Make a scene, have a seizure or something, I have to get back to the diner."

"Glad to see you're so concerned about me. I'm sure Lane and Caesar can handle the diner. Just sit back and enjoy the view."

"What view? It's just kids, everywhere, with their germs and their jam hands. Have you ever noticed that kids are always sticky, like they've got jam on their hands? Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam hands."

"Fascinating." Jess put his headphones back on and turned up the volume. It was getting harder and harder to act tough and cool. He felt so shitty; all he wanted was someone to take care of him. There had never been anybody there to do that. When he was seven and he broke his arm, his friend Ruben's mom had driven him to the hospital. When he had the chicken pox, he walked down to the drugstore and bought himself calamine lotion. Liz had never been there to take care of him, the only person who ever had was Rory, and he had ruined everything. It was ruined even before he left—but it was still his fault—why couldn't he have just told her how he felt? Was it that hard? Yes. Yes, it was that hard. No one was allowed to see the chinks in his armor, no one.

The next thing he knew, Luke was shaking him awake. He took off his headphones, "What?"

"The nurse just called your name."

"Huh? Oh yeah…ok then." Jess shoved his book in his back pocket and stood up slowly, trying to mask the wave of dizziness that hit him.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Luke asked.

"Whatever, you're the boss." He really did want Luke to come with him, hospitals scared the shit out of him, but there was no way in hell he was saying that.

"Why not? It'll be good to get away from all these jam hands." Luke pretended to shudder. They followed a perky nurse in blue scrubs back into a small examination room. She pulled out a clipboard with a chart on it.

"Ok, Jess, can you just hop up on the table there for me?" Luke tried not to laugh, but the idea of Jess hopping anywhere was a pretty amusing mental image. Jess sat on the exam table, his grungy jeans and leather jacket looking out of place in the immaculate surroundings. The nurse pulled out a thermometer and slid it under Jess's tongue. "My name is Carol, I'm just going to get your vitals and history real fast, and then the doctor will be in to see you." She took Jess's pulse and blood pressure and such, and then pulled the thermometer out of his mouth. "Wow," she said. "103.6, you're one sick puppy!"

"That's me, always in the doghouse," Jess quipped with a sarcastic smile.

Carol laughed as she wrote something down on his chart.  "Ok Jess, I'm going to ask you some questions now. When did you first start feeling ill?"

"About two, three weeks ago… I don't really know, it's been awhile."

"Ok, and how long have you had a fever?"

"I don't know, I've been on the road, finding a thermometer hasn't really been a priority."

"Ok then. Can you tell me about your symptoms?"

"Umm…headache, sore throat, cough, chills."

Carol took off her stethoscope, "Can you take your jacket off for me?" Jess removed his leather jacket and the nurse put the stethoscope to his chest, under his shirt, and asked him to breath deeply. She did the same thing to several spots on his chest and back, and then asked him to cough. Unfortunately, once he started, it took him a couple of minutes to stop, leaving him breathless.

"How long have you had the cough?"

"Three weeks, maybe." Jess choked out.

"And does it hurt when you cough?"

"Fuck, yes."

"What about when you breathe deeply?"

"Yeah, really sharp, like knives."

Carol checked the chart and then closed it. "I'm going to send you down the hall for some chest x-rays, and the doctor will see you. Just change into that gown there, and someone'll be in to take you to x-ray in just a second." She smiled as she pulled the curtain closed behind her.

Jess made Luke turn around so he could change into the flimsy hospital gown Carol had left for him. An orderly came in with a wheelchair.

"Mr. Mariano, I'm here to take you to x-ray, if you could just have a seat right here."

"I can walk." Jess said.

"I'm sure you can, but it's hospital policy, sir."

Feeling like he had to get the last word in, Jess growled, "I'm not a sir," under his breath as he sat down. This was so humiliating—he wasn't helpless. A fat technician with really cold hands positioned him in front of the x-ray machine, and within a few minutes he was back in the little curtained off cubicle with Luke, staring up at the white ceiling again. He wanted to lie down, but he didn't want Luke to think that he was a wimp, so he just sat there, willing the doctor to come in so he could get this over with and go back to bed.

As if on cue, the doctor walked in. She was a fairly pretty middle aged woman with short black hair. She was carrying Jess's chart and a packet of x-ray pictures with her. "Hi, Jess," She introduced herself. "I'm Doctor Ballard. And this is..?" She gestured to Luke.

"Luke Danes, my uncle." Jess supplied.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Danes. Well, I want to start off by having a listen of your lungs." She put her stethoscope in her ears and listened to his chest and back just as Carol had done. She also asked him to cough, but he managed to control it that time. "And can I see your fingernails for just a second?" Jess thought that was a weird question, but he complied anyway.

"Ok," she said, "Let's have a look at these x-rays." She clipped the x-rays up to the light board on the wall behind Jess. He turned to look. "These are your lungs. You can see right through here is a whitish, fibrous looking area—that's pneumonia. It appears that you have a pretty serious bacterial pneumonia infection in both lungs. Also, the sharp pain with breathing that you described and your chest x-rays also show that you probably have pleurisy, which is an infection of the lining of the chest cavity, which can cause pretty severe pain, as you know, and it can cause fluid to surround your lungs if you don't treat it. You must be one tough cookie, because you didn't even wince when I asked you to cough for me, and pleurisy this advanced is painful enough to make most people cry when they cough that hard. The good news is, that it is very treatable, and we should have you up and about in a week or so."

"That long?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, well, you want to make sure that the lung tissue is healed before you return to your normal activities or you can do some permanent damage. What I'd like to do is admit you to the hospital, just for a day or two, so that we can give you some high-dose IV antibiotics to battle the infection and some breathing treatments to help you breathe easier and to alleviate some of the pain. I won't keep you here too long, I just want to make sure your body can fight off the infection without straining your body's defenses anymore."

Luke stood up and shook Dr. Ballard's hand. "Thank you so much, Doctor."

"No problem, someone will come by in a minute to take you up to your room, and I'll come by to check on you tomorrow morning. It was nice to meet you both." She left the exam room, the curtain swishing behind her.

"Well, I guess I'll go call Lane and tell her that she and Caesar should just go ahead and close tonight, since I'll be here."

"You don't have to stay, you know. I'm a big boy."

"I know I don't have to stay, I just want to. It would suck to get left alone here. I'm just going to go out to the lobby and call Lane, be back in a minute." Luke left in search of a payphone. He found one near the lobby restrooms, dropped a quarter in and called Lane at the diner to let her know what was going on. After he hung up the phone, he hesitated for a minute and then dropped in another quarter and dialed.

"Hi, Lorelai…"

Stolen from episode 2x05: Nick and Nora, Sid and Nancy


	7. Go to him now, he calls you and you can'

A/N: Wow. It has been forever since I updated this story. Many apologies to all of you who were (and hopefully still are) readers and reviewers. My personal life has been pretty crazy lately and I have had very limited Internet access, which makes it difficult to update, but that is still no excuse. The story was just getting interesting, too. So, without further ado, I give you the long awaited chapter 7.

Disclaimers: I own none of these characters or concepts. The story, however, is my own…so don't steal it.

Chapter Seven: Go to him now, he calls you and you can't refuse.

Luke stood by the window in the darkened room looking out over the softly lit parking lot and listening to Jess's labored breathing. He didn't know what he was going to do about Jess. Well, he had the next week or so under control, but once Jess was back on his feet and in fighting form, he wasn't sure how things would go. Sure, he was apologetic and generally docile now, but who was to say that he had actually changed? Then again, who was to say that he hadn't? Luke always tried to think the best about his nephew. Despite their rocky relationship, they really did care a lot about each other.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face. He wished there was someone else around to help him figure out what to do. He hated not being in control of things. He sighed heavily and opened his eyes. In the window, he could see the reflection of a figure silhouetted against the lit doorway. He turned to see Lorelai standing there, gently framed in the artificial light.

"Lorelai!" He said softly, surprised. She had told him hours earlier that she had to go to some fundraising dinner with her parents and couldn't come wait with him. "You came…"

"Of course I came." Lorelai stepped in to the room. "Did you think I was just going to leave my best friend to deal with this by himself?"

"Well…" Luke wasn't really sure how to answer that, but before he had a chance to, Lorelai wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Normally, he hated being shown inordinate amounts of affection, but this time, he hugged back.

"This is scary, huh?"

"Yeah. I have no idea what I'm going to do with him."

Lorelai broke off the embrace and turned to look at Jess. He was asleep and very still in the white bed. The light from the doorway gave his pale skin a bluish cast in the dark room. There were tubes in his nose and IV's in his thin arms. At the moment, he looked so sad and sick that Luke's last statement would have been almost incomprehensible to someone who hadn't known Jess before. Lorelai, however, knew it was the most logical thing anyone in Luke's position could be thinking. But she didn't have any answers. She had never trusted Jess and didn't see any reason to start now, but she also didn't see any reason to bring that up to Luke, who was obviously very worried about his nephew.

"Is he going to be okay?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"He looks so sick.

"He is. But the doctor said he should be back on his feet in a week or two. So, I guess I have awhile to come up with a plan."

Lorelai nodded. There was a long silence.

"Where's Rory?" Luke asked, finally.

"She's in the waiting room. She wasn't sure if she was up to seeing him again. Maybe you could go talk to her?"

"Yeah, sure. We'll both go. Jess isn't going anywhere."

They walked down the bright corridor into the waiting room full of pink chairs. Rory sat in the corner. There was an open magazine on her lap, but she was staring off into some other dimension, her brow furrowed with worry.

"Hey, earth to Rory" Lorelai said.

Rory looked startled. "Oh, hey Mom, hey Luke."

"Hi." Luke looked sort of uncomfortable.

"How's Jess?" Rory asked.

"He's pretty sick, but he'll be better in a couple of days."

"Oh. Well that's good. I mean it's good that he'll be better soon, not that he's sick. I didn't mean that it was good that he's sick."

"I know." Luke said.

Both of them looked so uncomfortable that Lorelai felt like she had to step in to the conversation. "So, Luke. What did the doctor say about Jess? You never told me what was wrong."

"Oh, uh, she said he has a really bad case of Pneumonia and then another infection of the chest cavity, I don't remember the name of it, but it basically makes the area around your lungs fill up with fluid."

Rory looked up. The worried expression was still on her face, but something in her wide eyes had shifted slightly. "That sounds really serious," she said, her voice full of compassion.

"Yeah, it is, but they can treat it. He should be out of the hospital in a couple of days."

"Oh." Rory looked back at the magazine in her lap.

"Rory, sweetie, do you want to go see him?"

Rory stared hard at the magazine, as if looking for a sign. "I ummm…. I don't…I…yes," she finally stammered.

"He's in room 12." Luke said.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lorelai asked.

Rory hesitated, and then stood up. "No." she said. "I'll go by myself." She walked out of the waiting room and slowly down the hall, stopping outside of room 12. She put her fingers against the metal room numbers to the left of the doorway and steadied herself before going inside. She stepped inside the room and the stopped again, her courage wavering, before she finally walked over to the bedside. He looked so thin and sick it almost broke her heart to see him like that. She chided herself for being too angry to notice how sick he was earlier. But, then again, she had a right to be angry, didn't she?

She sank into the chair next to the bed and, without even thinking about it, reached out and took his hand. Jess stirred and his eyes opened slightly, just enough to see her face, and then fluttered closed. The slightest of smiles crossed his lips as he fell asleep again.


	8. You're gonna have to get used to it

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews on the last chapter! Sorry again about the long absence of updates. I'll try not to let it happen again. Thanks to Peets96 for the suggestion about focusing on Luke and Jess.

Disclaimers: All characters property of Amy Sherman-Palladino.

Chapter 8: You're gonna have to get used to it

It was light in the room when Jess opened his eyes again, fully expecting to see Rory sitting there, holding his hand. But instead of Rory's small, childlike hands wrapped around his fingers, there was a large calloused and holding his. He turned his head a bit to see Luke slumped in the uncomfortable wood chair with his head lolling forward, asleep. Jess closed his eyes again. He couldn't decide if he was disappointed that it wasn't Rory sitting there, or happy that Luke had stayed with him. A little of both, he supposed. He felt a little thrill of happiness that there was at least one person who cared enough to come see him, maybe two, but he still wasn't sure if Rory had really been there or if it was a dream.

His sleepy musings were interrupted, however, as another battery of coughs seemed to tear through his chest. He propped himself into a sitting position, tears stinging his eyes at the intensity of the pain in his chest, and continued to cough heavily for some time.

Luke, never a heavy sleeper, snapped awake at the awful sound of Jess's coughing. He watched helplessly until the paroxysms finally ended and Jess fell back on the bed, trying to catch his breath.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to get the nurse?" Luke wasn't really sure what he should do; situations in hospitals were always awkward and unnerving for him.

Jess shook his head. " No, I'm okay," he managed to get out between breaths.

The two shared relative silence for a few minutes as Jess's ragged breathing slowed to a more normal speed. He opened his eyes and looked at Luke, who was pacing. He looked worried.

"Luke?" Jess said, tentatively.

Luke looked at him. "Hm..?" he responded.

"I just wanted to apologize for causing all this trouble for you. I didn't mean to, I just wanted to come make things right and I ended up fucking everything up again, just like I always do."

"You didn't fuck anything up, Jess. It wasn't a mistake to come back and apologize. Not to me or Rory."

"Yeah, but none of this would have happened if I hadn't left. And I didn't want you to be forced to take care of me like this…"

"Jess," Luke interrupted, "We all make mistakes—you owned up to your past and you're trying to change. That's what's important. Besides, I want to stay here with you and take care of you. You're the closest family I have, and I really care about you, Jess." Abashed at his outpouring of emotion, Luke turned away towards the window.

Jess was silent for a minute. "Sorry," he said, finally, "I guess I'm still not so good at this having relationships thing."

"It's okay, neither am I" Luke said.

Just then, before Jess could ask about Rory, Dr. Ballard came bustling in the room. "Good morning!" she said, "And how are you feeling today, Mr. Mariano?"

"Fine." Jess said, suddenly back to his old, taciturn self.

"Not buying it. You've got a hundred and three degree fever, your breathing is twice as fast as it should be and you've got a cough that could wake the dead.  How are you really feeling today?"

"Like shit on toast."

"Excellent. I like it when my patients are honest with me—it make's my job a lot easier. Are you feeling better or worse than yesterday?"

"Worse."

"Ok, let's have another listen at those lungs." She put her stethoscope in her ears and began listening to his breathing, from his chest, and back. Then she put her hands on his ribs and asked him to tell her where the pain was the worst. She moved her hands around, putting pressure on his ribcage. He wasn't quite sure what she was looking for, since all the muscles in his chest were sore from coughing, until she hit a spot on his left side that hurt so much he couldn't hold back a surprised yelp of pain.

"Sorry. That's where you've got fluid building up in your pleural cavity. The best way to get rid of that is to just cough it all up, so I'm going to give you something that will help you cough all of that gunk out of your lungs—it's going to hurt a lot in the meantime, but it'll speed up your recovery. I'll also get you something to help with the pain."

"Okay," Jess said, "Thanks."

"No problem." Dr. Ballard smiled at him. "I hope you get to feeling better. I'll be by later this afternoon on my rounds. Try to get some rest before those new drugs kick in." Jess grimaced at the thought as she left the room and walked down the hall, her tennis shoes squeaking on the linoleum tile.

"Well, I guess I should let you get some sleep then," Luke said. "I need to go check on things at the diner, but I'll be back this afternoon."

"Sure. Hey, Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Was Rory here last night?"

"Yeah, she came and sat with you for awhile. I think she was worried about you."

"Oh. If you see her, would you tell her thank you for me?"

"Sure. I can do that." Luke put on his leather jacket and grabbed his keys. As he turned to walk out the door, Jess called out, "Hey Luke." He turned.

"Thanks. For staying with me last night. It really—well, thanks." Jess stammered.

"Sure kid, don't worry about it. I'll see you later."

Jess sank back into his pillows as Luke disappeared down the hall. Even thought he felt like shit, he had never been happier.


	9. she sparkles before she speaks

A/N: Sorry about the cheesy ending to the last chapter! I shouldn't post chapters late at night without a fully awake proofreading. I'll have to fix that at some point. Thanks for all the positive reviews! I'll hopefully be updating with a lot more regularity from now on. I'm going on vacation this weekend, but I'll try to get another chappie or two up as soon as I get back. Expect more Luke/Lorelai and Jess/Rory and a little more excitement in the coming chapters.

Disclaimers: don't own nothing

Chapter 9: She sparkles before she speaks

Luke walked into the diner, fully expecting that it would be in total chaos without him, but it was quite calm, with just a few customers still finishing their breakfasts. Lane stood behind the counter, refilling someone's coffee.

"Hi, Luke!" she called out cheerfully as he walked in.

"Hey. How're things going here?" He was sure that things couldn't be managed this well without him—beneath the quiet appearance of the diner, something must have gone horribly wrong.

"Oh, everything's great here. The breakfast rush just ended about a half hour ago, and things are pretty calm."

"No problems at all?"

"No, everything's great here. How's Jess?" Lane said as she filled a cup of coffee and held it out to him.

Luke shook his head, refusing the proffered coffee, "He's sick, really sick, but he'll be ok. He'll probably just be in the hospital another day or two."

"That's too bad. Well, don't worry about anything here—Caesar and I have everything covered. Why don't you go get some sleep?"

"No, I'm good…" Luke hesitated, "Well, if you guys really have everything in control, I could use a little sleep."

"Yes, go, sleep. We'll be fine, the diner will be fine."

"Ok, well, come get me if you need anything."

"Sure, of course we will."

Luke trudged up the stairs and collapsed into bed, fully clothed. But sleep eluded him, so he just lay there, staring across the room and thinking. Jess's unmade bed stood in the opposite corner. At any other time he would have been angry that it wasn't made—but not today, because today it meant that Jess was back. And that meant that he hadn't failed him. That the two years he had spent trying to keep Jess from drifting hadn't been in vain. And, truth be told, he had sort of missed the kid. Especially in the diner, Lane was a great employee, but Jess had always busted his ass—and he had the patented Danes' grumpy attitude to serve up to every customer. Lane was much too cheerful.

He hoped Rory would forgive Jess. Sure, Rory deserved someone better than Jess, but he thought that Jess was deserving of someone as good as Rory. No matter what anyone said, he was still convinced that with a stable environment and a desire to do well, Jess could be a really good kid.

He was also glad Jess was back because; things got a little boring without him. After he and Nichole broke up…well, it had been a little lonely around the apartment. Especially with Lorelai dating this mystery-man and all. But that was okay…he was an island, right? Maybe.

Luke finally dozed off for an hour or two before waking up and realizing it was already two in the afternoon. He figured he should probably get to the hospital, but decided to take a shower first—he didn't want to scare the nurses away or anything. He stood under the showerhead, letting the hot water wash away his sleepiness. He had always done his best thinking in the shower—and today was no exception, because all he could think about was Lorelai—and he couldn't come up with anything better than Lorelai. He wondered why she had come last night. She had already told him she couldn't…but then there she was, right when he needed her. He couldn't help wishing he could lean on her like that a little more often, but she was busy with this Jason guy, so he tried to shove what he thought were foolish wishes out of his mind.

Out of the shower, he selected a clean flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, and grabbed his coat. He stood in the doorway for a minute, trying to think of something to bring Jess. It seemed like an appropriate gesture, but he didn't think Jess would really want flowers, and he already had a couple of books at the hospital, although he seemed much more interested in sleeping than reading. The only thing he could think of that Jess would want was Rory—and maybe, he could arrange that.

Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying a big cup of coffee (not as good as Luke's, but at least she didn't have to leave the house for it). She wondered what Jess being back would really mean for Rory—she couldn't even tell how Rory felt about it now because she wouldn't talk about it. She wondered what it would mean for Luke, too. She could tell he was really excited that Jess was back. Lorelai hoped it would work out better this time and that Luke was right about Jess really changing. She wanted Luke to be happy. He hadn't really seemed happy since Jess left and he and Nichole got divorced.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the kitchen door. She looked up from her coffee to see Luke on the other side of the glass in the door. "Speak of the devil," she muttered to herself as she got up to open the door.

"Hey, Luke," she said. "What brings you here?"

"Umm, actually, I wanted to talk to Rory. Is she here?"

"No, sorry, she left to go back to Yale about a half hour ago. Why?"

"I just wanted to see if she wanted to come to the hospital with me…I guess it was kind of stupid of me to think she would, anyway, huh?" Luke looked tired and his shoulders slumped dejectedly.

"No, it wasn't stupid of you. Maybe she would have wanted to go. Why don't you come in and have some coffee?"

"No thanks, I really should be getting back to the hospital—I just was trying to think of something I could do to make Jess feel better, and the only thing I could think of that makes Jess happy is Rory."

"That's so sweet of you, Luke. Do you want me to come with you?"

"You don't have to do that." Luke turned to go.

"I know I don't have to, Luke. Do you want me to?"

He stopped and turned toward her. "Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Okay," she said, "Just let me get my coat."

Ten minutes later, Luke and Lorelai were stopped at Stars Hollow's only traffic light, which was currently red.

"Damn it!" Luke thumped the steering wheel, "Why do have this stupid light?"

"Because of Taylor," said Lorelai.

"You were right yesterday—that man really should be sent to a mental facility."

"Yeah, but he'd probably drive everyone there crazy" Lorelai cracked. She knew the joke wasn't funny, but she was hoping it would make Luke laugh. And she succeeded—after a moment's pause; he looked at her and chuckled.

"That was one of the worst joke's I've ever heard," he said, still laughing.

"Well obviously you thought it was funny." Lorelai feigned offense at his comment. She felt the tension in the car lift as their relationship settled into its normal banter.


	10. When you've got nothing, you've got noth

A/N: Wow. It's been over a year since I last updated this. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Thanks to anyone who has reviewed since then and anyone who's still reading this story. I really will try to finish it this time.

* * *

Disclaimers: Don't own nothing.

Chapter 10: When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose.

Jess fell back against his pillows after yet another round off coughing. The medicine the doctor had given him was certainly working—he'd had no idea a person could have so much crap in their lungs, let alone cough it all out in a three-hour period. But he finally felt like he could breathe normally again…well, normal if he ignored the stabbing pain with each breath.

His nurse, Elaine, bustled into the room. "Hey sugar, how ya doing?" she asked him in a southern drawl.

Jess gestured to the plastic container they had given him to cough into; he didn't look at it, though –he had been trying not to think about what was in it all afternoon.

"Ah, well I see you've been a busy boy," she said. Jess glared at her. "Are you feeling any better, sugar?"

"A little," Jess croaked hoarsely, his throat was raw and burning from the three hours of coughing. He closed his eyes while Elaine took his temperature and pulse.

"Do you need anything sugar?" she asked.

Jess slowly forced his eyes open. "Some more pain medicine?"

"Of course," she said, patting him on the knee. "How 'bout if I bring you some ice cream too? It'll make your throat feel better."

He nodded.

"What flavor do you like, sugar?"

Jess shrugged, closing his eyes again.

"Ok, sugar, I'll just bring you some vanilla then. Hang tight, I'll be back in a minute."

Jess felt himself relax as she left the room. He was glad that Luke had left for the day. He hated for anyone to see him so weak like this. When no one was there, he felt like he was allowed to just be sick and not worry what anyone thought of him. It was stupid, he knew, but he couldn't help feeling like he still had to keep up the tough guy act, even in front of Luke. He thought Luke understood though—the man might not be a bad boy, but he certainly was stubborn and strong, never one to let anyone else know what was going on inside him. Well, at least not intentionally. Everyone could see he was in love with Lorelai. But then again, everyone could see Jess was in love with Rory. Maybe they had some sort of genetic predisposition to loving Gilmore girls. Probably not. Probably they were just suckers. He put his hands behind his head and sighed deeply, his usual pose when he was thinking hard about something, this time he was rewarded with pain ripping down his side. He put his arms down and curled up on his side…ah yes, that was a much better position.

Jess wondered what Rory was doing. He imagined her reading in a window seat, her hair curling softly around her face, azure eyes fixed in concentration, her beautiful pink lips parted ever so slightly. It was how he always imagined her, well, except for when he was imagining being with her, which was a much different and more stimulating picture. She was the most pure and beautiful thing he had ever seen. He still asked himself every day why she had ever chosen him and why he'd had to leave her. She had really loved him, but he didn't think he was worth it, didn't want her ruining the perfect life she could have had just to be with him. Rory deserved to be with someone better, someone more caring, and someone better at communicating, someone who could provide for her, someone who could give her all the perfect things she deserved. He wasn't sure what those things were; even his idea of perfect probably wasn't right. What did he have to offer her? Sure, they could talk about books and music, sure they'd had fun together, but he could never really give her anything. She'd probably even be better off with bag-boy.

Her memory was what had kept him going every day for the last six months. Some nights, when he was just falling asleep, he would feel her petal soft lips on his and the world would turn white hot around him like it always did when they kissed—but the feeling would melt away and he would be alone again.

It was better that way, though, better for him to be alone, better for him not to hurt her again. Suddenly he didn't know why he had come back. Why had he wanted to tell her he loved her? He was just going to screw up her life again, all because he told her, all because he was stupid enough to think that a world existed where they could both be happy. She should be happy, that was what was important, and he could never make her happy. He just wasn't good enough. But oh, that white hot kiss. Even just the memory of it was worth being alive for.

His reverie was interrupted suddenly when Elaine came back with a tray. "Here you go sugar, vanilla ice cream and some nice cold water." She elevated the bed so that he was sitting up a bit more and put the tray in front of him. "Now I'm gonna give you some more medicine for the pain, but you eat that up before you get too groggy, ok sugar?"

Jess nodded. He hadn't been hungry, but the ice cream did actually look tempting if for no other reason than the fact that it would be cold sliding down his throat. He took a small bite while the nurse added the pain medicine to his IV.

"There you go, sugar. You get some rest now, ok?"

"Ok." The ice cream felt and tasted even better than he had imagined, quelling the pain in his throat. For the first time in weeks he actually did feel a little bit better. He finished the ice cream quickly, but he could feel the pain medicine starting to kick in and make him groggy by the time he was done. He sank back against the pillows. Everything was getting blurred with sleepiness and the narcotics, but just as he was about to surrender to the blissful, painless rest that was waiting just behind his eyes, something worth staying awake for showed up.

There she was, standing in the doorway in a simple blue dress. The white light coming in through the blinds lit her silhouette. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Rory…"


	11. You Never Turned Around

A/N: Wheee! Thanks for the reviews! I should be writing a paper for my film class right now, but I'm writing fanfic instead. Yay procrastination!—weird, I just realized I started this fic last year during finals week…spooky.

Disclaimers: Don't own nothing.

Chapter 11: You never turned around

She was an angel in blue, wings made of air and light, a halo of soft brow hair ignited by the sun. She pierced him with her blue eyes sharper than any…woah there. Jess shook his head. Note to self: morphine makes me melodramatically metaphorical, Jess thought. Suddenly, he realized Rory really was standing there—that part, at least, had been real.

"Rory?"

She looked at him, her brow furrowed. She picked up one foot, hesitating as if she didn't know whether to go forward or back.

"Come in, please?" it was a question, not a demand. She wasn't used to this Jess, this humble, vulnerable Jess. She didn't know what to make of him anymore. Surely it couldn't be Jess lying in that bed, pale and thin, tubes in his nose and arm tethering him to his bed. It couldn't be Jess—he would never lie there waiting for _her_, begging her with his cloudy coffee-brown eyes to stay with him. This was her turn, she suddenly realized, her turn to run, her turn to leave him waiting for her. He certainly deserved a taste of his own medicine, after leaving her waiting for six months. She started to lower her foot behind her, intending to turn and run, she took a step back, but just as she was about to go, she saw the pain in his eyes, saw the his shoulders sag as he realized she was leaving…and she couldn't do it. No matter how she had felt when he left, there was just no point in adding more hurt to the relationship she so badly wanted to have back.

She was leaving, he knew it. Fine. It was better that she go, better that he didn't have the chance to hurt her again, better if she hurt him instead. When her foot dropped, he sighed, ready to slip into the dark embrace of sleep…but she faltered again, hesitated, stopped. She looked down at the shiny linoleum tile, took a deep breath, and crossed the room toward his bed, still looking at the floor.

The seconds that it took her to reach him seemed like an eternity. She couldn't look at him. She couldn't look into those beautiful eyes that knew all her secrets. She knew that the second she looked at him she would cry, or scream, or melt into his arms. She stood there, inches from his bed, still staring at the shiny floor, white tile streaked with grey.

Suddenly, something warm and roughly soft and undeniably familiar wrapped around her fingers. She started and almost looked up out of alarm, but caught herself just in time. She raised her eyes just enough to see his pale, long fingers wrapped around her hand. That touch she had felt a thousand times and a thousand more in her dreams—it made something jump in her chest every time she felt it. A surge went through her chest and it felt like her heart flew straight out of her chest to him, longing to be joined with his heart. There was a green plastic tube with a smaller tube and a needle taped to the back of his hand…well, actually the needle was in his hand…ok, this was getting gross, it was time to look up.

Her clear blue eyes met his gaze, and he thought he would be transfixed by them, forever, but he somehow managed to pull together the threads of thought that were threatening to slip out of the grasp of his fogged mind. He focused on how cool and soft her tiny hand felt in his fingers.

"I'm glad you came," he said, his voice raspy.

"Me too," she sat down on the edge of his bed. So close…oh so close, he could feel her warmth she was so close. "I was almost back at school…but something made me turn around."

"Rory…about what I said yes—"

"Shhh." Rory cut him off, placing a cool hand on his flushed cheek. "Don't explain it away. I'm glad you came back, I'm glad you said what you did. It took courage to come back. You really hurt me when you left, but if you really have changed, you deserve the chance to prove it to me."

Her hand was so cool, so comforting on his fevered flesh, just her proximity was nearly driving him insane. "What do you mean?" he asked, hoping beyond hope that it was what he thought she meant.

"I mean," she continued slowly. "I mean that I want to give us another chance. I want to be with you Jess, it's all I've ever wanted—but you have to let me be with you this time. No games, no silence, no holding me at arm's length."

"Always," he said as his consciousness relented to the tide of sleep and his eyes closed. The moment before everything slipped into darkness, his mind went white hot with her kiss.


End file.
